


we have become skeletons (we are on our way to being ghosts)

by olivemartini



Series: All The Lovely Ones Have Scars [19]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pepper's got a date, Tony's a jerk about it on accident, they make it better tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 12:17:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: He asks her to stay late, and for the first time ever, Pepper says no, because she has a date."What?"  Tony laughs, at her, at the idea of someone being interested in her.  "You don't date."





	we have become skeletons (we are on our way to being ghosts)

"You're staying, right?"  Tony isn't even looking at her, talking as he goes, right in the middle of Rhodey and Stane, his favorite place to be.  He's happier this week than she had seen him, and even though Pepper hates to admit it, her job is easier to do when he has Rhodey there to tether him to reality just a bit more.  "I need to know how many pizzas to get."

(He orders them each their own.  It's ridiculous.)

"I'm not, actually."  Pepper scrawls her signature on the last line of the paperwork, caught up if not ahead.  She's proud of herself, and doesn't bother to look up at him as she says it, because she hadn't thought it would matter to him,  not when Rhodey is here, too.  "I've got a date."

"What?"  He actually laughs, one short bark of disbelief, and Pepper can feel the hurt rise up even as she tries to squash it back down, remind herself that Tony doesn't always think things through before he says them.  "You don't date."

"Of course I date."  She hadn't been, not really, not since she met Tony, but that was because of her own personal choices and seemingly undying infatuation for her boss, not because of lack of options, and Pepper really would like to tell him so if the answer wouldn't have been so absurd.  "I date all the time."

Even to her own ears, she sounded like she was trying too hard, attempting to be too convincing, and maybe she was.  Pepper must have always known that Tony was important to her, but it was only when she got in that accident and had to call him that she took a moment to reevaluate how her life had turned out, how much of herself she was giving over to him.  She's learned the hard way not to make a person her home, and she would not make the same mistake twice, not with someone like him.  

So, yeah.  As of now, she dates.

"Come off it."  He still looked amused, like she was making a joke or being stupid on purpose, and the whole conversation was throwing Pepper off balance, because as long as she had been here, she had never known Tony to be cruel to anyone, and certainly not her.  "Who've you got to go on a date with?"

It would have been better, she thinks, if they were alone, if she could stomp over and smack him on the arm with her clipboard, or maybe yell at him, but it wasn't like that.  Instead, it was Tony still laughing like he couldn't get why she wasn't finding it funny and Pepper with the heat rising in her face, the feeling of relief from getting her paperwork gone and replaced with something sour growing in her stomach.  Rhodey was staring at her with something like pity, because  _he knows,_ she remembers suddenly, which makes her want to cry, that someone can look at her and realize that no matter who she's going out with tonight, she would rather be here, with this selfish, terrible man who ruins everything, even when he isn't trying to.

Especially when he isn't trying to.

Across the room, Stane let's out a long slow whistle, and it's only then that Tony seems to take in the situation, like he hadn't before realized the tears in Pepper's eyes or how she had reeled back like she had been slapped.

"Pepper, I'm sorry."  He's frozen between going to her and staying away, like he, too, had been pushed off their normal routine by this conversation.  "That's- it came out wrong."

"I know what you meant,"  Pepper heard herself say, the fury low and controlled in her voice, because how dare he, honestly, how dare he pull her in and push her away every day of this damn job and still expect her to keep coming back, how dare he bring home girl after girl after girl and expect her to just look the other way and then make a fuss when she tries to find someone other than him, how dare he come along and ruin this for her when all it really is was her trying to run away from her problems.  She gathers up her purse, sweeps the papers on her desk into the shredder without checking if they were important, and then stomps over to the door.  "But as it so happens, tonight, I do."

 

 

 

The date was terrible.

She's not sure why she thought it would be anything less.  They had met at one of Tony's parties, after all, and Tony's parties don't always have the best kind of guests.  When she had seen him in person for the first time, her date had been a lot less sober and a lot more fun, if a little more steady on his feet.

"So, I'll take you out again sometime?"  He asked, and it was sweet, the offer, had he not been on his phone, scrolling through his Instagram feed, like that was more interesting than her.  Not that she minded.  The whole dinner was a drag, where he talked about engine models and engineering breakthroughs and all Pepper could think was that he was no where near as smart as he was pretending to be, not really.  "Maybe you can foot the bill."

Pepper doesn't know if that was a joke.  She decides it wasn't funny, and also decides that she doesn't like him, not as much as she thought she would.  Or maybe it was just that she doesn't want to like anyone, not really.

"I don't think so."  Normally, she would not do this right after the date.   She would let the space between them gather, and send some polite texts, and then feign scheduling conflicts until they lose interest, because if you tell them no and keep your distance long enough, they will always lose interest.  "I've got a busy few weeks coming up, you know, with Stark and...."  The excuses died before she could really form them.  "I just think we're better off as friends."

She can't believe she said that, really, and apparently he couldn't, either, because he's still standing there with one hand on his phone and another on the door of the cab that he had got her, holding the door open for her, his mouth half hanging open like she had really caught him off guard.

 _Oh, come on,_ she thought, sighing a bit as she watched his face shift from stunned to angry, getting the feeling that she knows what scene was coming.   _You couldn't have possibly thought this date was going well._

(It didn't go well.  He wouldn't hold doors, and he didn't get them wine even though they were in an actual winery, which wasn't bad but she just found strange, and he was only talking about himself, him and his family and his patents in the works and the car he was fixing up for fun, the way he looked at her like she was nothing, just another thing that he could show off, maybe an interesting conversation piece for some other date, with some other girl.)

"Alright then."  He takes the cab for himself, throwing himself into the seat and glaring up at her, surly and sulking, like a child, and even though it hurt in some dull fashion that this first attempt at love had gone so badly, Pepper found that she didn't really care.  

 

 

 

When thinking of a perfect ending to a date, Pepper would not have picked being left in the pouring rain in a too-thin dress, watching the cab her date had got her drive off, leaving her to drag herself a block until she could grab one for herself, soaked and shivering.

It took a half hour for one to pull over for her, and by that time, she could feel the chill in her bones, aching, and the cab was so warm that it almost hurt. 

"Where you heading, lady?"  He looked too young to be a cab driver, and stunk of cigarettes, and for a moment Pepper thought about getting out, waiting for someone slightly safer, but then she thought about the cold and the rain and how all cabs were slightly dangerous, anyways.

(She's taken up watching Criminal Minds.  Everything seems dangerous now.  Tony says she shouldn't watch crime shows.)

Pepper's about to tell him just to take her home, but then she remembers those SI security monitors that had been installed at the front door of her apartment and pauses.  Tony would not look at them, but she knows that Happy does, periodically, should he be alerted of movement at a time that he did not expect her to be home.  And he did not expect her to be home this early when she had told him that she was going on a date, so he would check it, and then he would see her, alone and soaked to the bone with mascara running rivers down her face.  And then, because he was a good friend to them both but loyal firstly to Tony, he would tell him that he had nothing to worry about, that his date did not go well, because Happy takes liberties like that.

"Anywhere."  She leans back into the seat and tries not to think about all the other people who had sat here and how desperately she needs to shower, tries not to think about Tony and how he does not think she can get a date, tries not to think about how  _she_ does not believe that she can get a date she actually wants, either, not when Tony makes them all seem dull in comparison.  "Just drive, kid."

 

 

 

When she comes in the next day, she gets a sorry instead of a good morning, his eyes red and too open and too honest, like he had stayed up all night waiting for her, too keyed up to even try to go to sleep, and in spite of herself Pepper feels a little pang of guilt watching him.

"How was the date?"  Tony is trying so hard to be civil.  Caring Tony is the worst Tony, because you can practically see the emotion bleeding out of him, how quickly the people he loves drains him.  

"It was good."  Liar, liar, filthy little liar.  "Don't think we'll be going out again, though."

"Oh?"  He is asking for more information.  Pepper will not give it to him.  That, like so many other things, she does not owe him.  

"Not my type."

If this were a normal day, he would be teasing her about what her type is, exactly, threatening to set her up with one of his buddies or maybe wondering if it's him.  But today is not a normal day.  Pepper is grateful.

"I really am sorry.  I didn't mean to make it sound like you couldn't get a date.  I know you can get a date.  Any guy would be lucky to have you."  Pepper was facing away from him, so she felt like it was safe to close her eyes and blink her tears away, knowing that he would not be able to see how badly those words pained her.  "I guess I just got used to the idea of you being mine."

 _This,_ she thought savagely,  _is why I needed that date, why we cannot stop doing this, because I can't be stuck loving you forever when you cannot bring yourself to be brave enough to love me back, Tony, it's like drowning inches from the shoreline, god, please, please, stop doing this to me._

"I'm still yours."  Lies.  Or maybe truth.  Pepper's starting to lose track.  "You just have to learn to share me."

"I never was good at that,"  Tony said, still looking a little tight around the edges, but also like he was alright now, finally.  

 _Me either,_ Pepper could have said, but she didn't.

 

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on Instagram @olive.writes.fanfic


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